I am a klerksdorp sphere

I went to my grandpa’s grave today with my parents and grandma.

When we got there… after 10 minutes or so, my grandma silently started crying.

Call me weird but I found that truly beautiful.
My grandpa died 14 years ago and yet, my grandma’s love for him never wavered. I will never know what went on inside her mind at that time… it could missing him, longing for him, sadness, feeling of being alone. It could be any or all but what I got from it is that their love for each other, tested by time but now is being tested by something greater - life, and she still holds on. Her shedding those tears for the man she has loved more than half of her life despite of him being gone for so long means she never forgot, it means she is still in love with my grandpa.

Holding on can be beautiful if the person you’re holding onto loves you right back. Sometimes I wonder how it would be if the world didn’t take love so lightly and finding the very person you’d spend your life with is a life decision rather than a trial and error gig or something “just for fun”.

I pray to God that when the time does come, the love I will live with that girl will be the same as my grandparents… something that never gets old.

“All the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen …” —2 Corinthians 1:20

April 20, 2012

What I learned in today’s devotion is a reminder that God keeps His promises… it is just a matter of “am I able to receive His Holy Spirit?”. I used to be that person who becomes a Christian only when I need God and when something doesn’t pull through, I was quick to blame God and say “You said in the bible this, this and that and yet where is it?”. Or there are even times where I felt that God was too short with His blessings. I learned that God’s promises hold true to those who actually seek Him. Just like a parent promising to reward his/her child a brand new toy if he/she gets all A’s this semester. 

“God called to him … . And he said, ’Here I am’” —Exodus 3:4

April 18, 2012

Utmost.org had such a piercing write-up today. It does make sense though… why is it that when something great or a really good opportunity comes in our lives we’re quick to say “Lord I am ready!” but when God has called us for duties that He wants us to take we’re also quick to say “Lord I am not ready…”.

I have been in such position before. When I apply for a job or something really good is being offered to me, I tell God I am ready but when God is calling me to serve Him and follow Him - I used to say not yet, I’m not ready.

“I’m not ready” because I don’t want to follow Him yet, my heart is not there yet, I have other things I “have”,want to do and that conflicts with You Lord. Pretty much, I want Your rewards and blessings but I do not want anything else. I want the good things not the work. 

Such selfishness came out of my thoughts that even thinking about how I was makes me feel bad about myself for being that.

When God Himself has called you… it’s God! Like a much higher calling than the president of any country calling you to their white house or something to have dinner. How can I or anyone say later to the one who created me and us?

“When Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he put on his outer garment … and plunged into the sea” —John 21:7

April 17, 2012

When God called me before at the age of 17, I was hesitant on following Him… why? Well because these thoughts came into mind:

• I want to go clubbing.
• I want to go drinking.
• I want to party.
• I want to experience a ton of things.
• I don’t want to spend my weekends at church.
• I want this, that, this, that.

And I ended up doing just that.. which led me nowhere. I immediately thought that I will do this now and follow God later after I have had my fun. What did it result to?

A ton of wasted time and money and effort and love.

At the end of my 4 year binge on what the world has to offer.. I came out with nothing. I had no money, no love life, almost no friends because I stopped doing what they liked to do… etc.

I learned at that point that my life only works when I follow God. I accomplish things, I serve Him, I feel more alive when I disregarded what the world can offer and followed God instead. When I just simply decided to jump on the waters that lead to God… wonderful things started to take over my life.

“Cast your burden on the Lord …” —Psalm 55:22

April 13, 2012

This verse is something I had to learn for the past few months and I believe I am finally getting it. I have been burdened with worries and stress that I lost sight of God and in a way, was making me lose sight of Him. I have to continually remind myself that God is bigger than my problems and that these circumstances are in front of me for an opportunity to grow with Him. To continually remind myself to the point where it comes second nature. I believe God sometimes lets problems happen in my life because He wants me to grow in faith with Him, if I was always comfortable then there would be no growth, if my life isn’t shaken… then I will be the same person from 5 years ago.

Just throw your burdens back to God and He will surely take care of you.

“Death no longer has dominion over Him… . the life that He lives, He lives to God. Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God …” —Romans 6:9-11

April 12, 2012

What I learned from today’s devotion is that we truly cannot completely harness or witness God’s grace into our own personal lives unless we let go of ourselves. Let go of the sins that we like to dwell on, let go of relying on our own understanding, let go of fighting or running this race like it is our own battle - let go and be still (Psalm 46:10) let it be God’s battle for only He can completely redeem us from the things that bind us. 

Personally, as I continue to be desperate for God.. I learn that I have to continually kill my old ways so that I may be alive in God. Alive in oneness with Him. I have come to a point in my life where I completely feel weak without God. I shouldn’t stop God from taking over and let not the gift from God but the gift OF God to manifest in me completely.

Nothing is impossible with God and as long as we are breathing, it is never too late to receive eternal life… no matter how dirty we feel.

“If we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection …” —Romans 6:5

April 11, 2012

Just like my previous post… I guess this is the continuation. After my old self died when I chose to stop doing the things that kept me from sinning… just like Jesus as He resurrected from the dead, I too have been resurrected. My being as a whole: how I live, how I think, how I talk, how I act has completely changed because I am now following only one path - God’s. Being a Christian is not a weekend thing nor 3 to 4 days in a week type of deal… it is everyday. As I have chosen to commit my life to God, my lifestyle has been solely defined to be worship. Everything I do has to glorify God, and when I do things that doesn’t… I actually feel bad. Dying to resurrection… got to let go of the enemy’s foothold no matter how good it feels, how much we’ll “miss” it. Let go and let God… once the resurrection happens… it is all faith from here on out.

“… our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin” —Romans 6:6

April 10, 2012

What this verse has reminded me is that there was a specific time in the past where I had to make the decision to stop sinning. I am not saying I do not make mistakes every now and then or whatnot but there was a time where I embraced the benefits of sinning and not bother with its consequences. I went clubbing, drinking, pre-marital sex, lying to my parents to be able to do these things… I lived comfortably looking forward to doing these things up until that specific time I mentioned earlier - where I made the decision to stop doing those, to turn away and completely follow God. I guess this is what Galatians 2:20 really means - my old life (man) has been crucified with Jesus and now everything about me is completely reliant to Him. 

Now the question is… being the Christian that you are (if you are), have you let go of the sins that have kept you away from God?

“After that, He appeared in another form to two of them …” —Mark 16:12

April 9, 2012

What I learned from today’s devotion is that seeing Jesus has a definite responsibility. Let me explain…

Let’s say there was a boy who saw a real life leprechaun. Since he saw a real one, he went to tell everyone he knew that he saw a real leprechaun. Others may not believe it but since he saw it, he believes it exists and so he had the urge to tell people.

That same scenario can be related to how a Christian sees Jesus. Once we get to the point of seeing Him (once Jesus decides to reveal Himself), we should have that feeling or urge to tell other people what we saw, be supremely convinced that we just have to share His goodness. To the confused, seeing Jesus is different from being blessed. Seeing Jesus is not reliant on experiences because whatever happens, you will endure because you have seen Him.

Wait for Jesus to show Himself for everything will come in His perfect time.

“… who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree …” —1 Peter 2:24

April 6, 2012

God loves us so much that He redeemed us from our sins by sacrificing His Son Jesus (John 3:16). Because of this sacrifice, I can freely pray to God, anyone can. I can fellowship with God just like everyone else. The sad thing is people do not understand, they want to be spoon-fed, convinced? or they want to hear the right words - “how will following God benefit me”. I used to think this way. I saw Christianity as just another way to get into my pocket, a way to control with fear of hell. It is true that there are churches who’s agenda are the ones I mentioned but one thing I learned through my Christian walk is that why does God suffer for man’s greed and deceit? If a church is corrupt, isn’t that man’s fault and not God? God doesn’t need anything from me… but I need Him. I am committed to my church now because I see this as a service to God for I owe Him a lot. He has blessed me, loved me, forgiven me, died on the cross for me, watched over me all this time and the least I could do is give my life to Him.. my life that is a mere speck of dirt or dust or even less compared to who God is. I do this because I love God far more than my love to the church. The church gives me the opportunity to learn and fellowship and grow but in the end of the day… it is about God and God alone. I am not hating on church/religion like that viral video that went online a few months back but I guess I’m trying to put into words my understanding of the difference between God and church/religion. Jesus died to save me from my sins and my church is a helping block in terms of my walk with God. God will always remain perfect regardless what church there is out there. I guess what I’m trying to say is… follow Jesus because Jesus died for you and me… don’t let negative experiences with the church dictate your walk with God.

“Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples … . ’Stay here and watch with Me’” —Matthew 26:36, 38

April 5, 2012

Seeing things through God’s eyes… is what I got from this verse. Before I fully dedicated my life to God, I always relied on my own understanding and vision. It was always what I think is right, what I think should be but all of that has changed after I started walking with God. God’s view is something of course I will not completely comprehend but He gives me wisdom on things that I personally encounter. Decisions I make now are reliant on God’s wisdom, He guides me in everything. Sometimes it may not be what I think is right but God always comes through in the end. I guess what I am trying to say is God usually works with long-term and permanent solutions, I however, if the decision was up to me, will only look at instant results.

“Indeed the hour is coming … that you will be scattered …” —John 16:32

April 4, 2012

I am at a loss for words right now so I may not say much for today’s devotion. I prayed to God before I opened utmost.org that He tell me what is happening with me, why my passion or faith is roller coasting itself right now and why am I such in awe at the moment is because this is what I read: (I really have to put the whole thing… it’s crazily amazing)

Jesus was not rebuking the disciples in this passage. Their faith was real, but it was disordered and unfocused, and was not at work in the important realities of life. The disciples were scattered to their own concerns and they had interests apart from Jesus Christ. After we have the perfect relationship with God, through the sanctifying work of the Holy Spirit, our faith must be exercised in the realities of everyday life. We will be scattered, not into service but into the emptiness of our lives where we will see ruin and barrenness, to know what internal death to God’s blessings means. Are we prepared for this? It is certainly not of our own choosing, but God engineers our circumstances to take us there. Until we have been through that experience, our faith is sustained only by feelings and by blessings. But once we get there, no matter where God may place us or what inner emptiness we experience, we can praise God that all is well. That is what is meant by faith being exercised in the realities of life.

“… you … will leave Me alone.” Have we been scattered and have we left Jesus alone by not seeing His providential care for us? Do we not see God at work in our circumstances? Dark times are allowed and come to us through the sovereignty of God. Are we prepared to let God do what He wants with us? Are we prepared to be separated from the outward, evident blessings of God? Until Jesus Christ is truly our Lord, we each have goals of our own which we serve. Our faith is real, but it is not yet permanent. And God is never in a hurry. If we are willing to wait, we will see God pointing out that we have been interested only in His blessings, instead of in God Himself. The sense of God’s blessings is fundamental

“… be of good cheer, I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Unyielding spiritual fortitude is what we need.

I know that God speaks to us but I find this non-coincidental. It is making me excited to know that God is hearing me clearer and clearer.

Sorry if I didn’t talk much about what I learned but this is just crazily amazing!